Tonight, I found myself on my knees crying out to my Creator. Oh the mysteries of the heart that cause so much pain. Oh the brokenness of the soul that stands in need of healing. I’ll be very honest and open with you, my heart just couldn’t take it anymore. I stood before my Maker and confessed what He and I already knew….I need Him!
I’ve gone through some changes recently that have taken a greater toll on me than I cared to admit. During my quiet time with Him, He has shown me parts of my heart that I don’t particularly like. In fact, I despise and detest what my heart feels at times. While standing before His presence, my heart could only utter the words of the Prophet Isaiah after he saw the Lord in all His glory…
“Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, The Lord of hosts.”
While reading, I came across something that identified what I was feeling….
Today I’ve got a sour taste in my heart
I’ve tried washing it away with all of the usual products–
Rationalizations and distractions and denial
Self-destruction and blame–
All these familiar ways of condoning myself.
And even though I’m usually pretty good at it,
Today something isn’t right
Or maybe something finally is.
My friends, here is what I’m finding…when I’m standing in front of my Creator, I need to stand beside my Savior. More accurately, I need to stand behind Him because I don’t want to be seen but rather I want to be seen through His blood.
Its a good thing to allow Holy Spirit to examine our lives. To just sit there in self-pity is a sin. However, to take what He is showing us and allowing Him to change us is healthy. We always have to be open and willing for change but never allowing it to consume us. As I sit here tonight, I will not wallow in self-defeat. I will stand up, take these shackles off of my heart, and rise up into His presence where I am supposed to be.
My heart is crushed tonight. My soul cries out to the Living God. I find myself desperately needing my Savior. I stand broken and confused. When I open my eyes, I see myself laying on the altar ready to be sacrificed. The end of me is coming…only to reveal the Greater One in me.
Yes, something isn’t right….or maybe something finally is….
The Balm of Gilead 
Thanks for sharing your heart and the beginning of a transformation. It is difficult to see or imagine what we look like as the transformed creation. He has so much for us right here in this life. I feel it requires total abandonment to that broken and contrite heart. It is his will for me to selflessly abandon my thoughts actions and desires to be in His likeness as the revelations come where it only is possible through the bloodshed of a loving a Savior. May we all rejoice at the revelation of possibilities. May we all enter this season of glorifying His name in spirit and truth
Thanks Rebecca! Yes, may we all enter a place of abandoning ourselves to His will. We cannot be seen but Christ must be seen.
Donny, what an AWESOME post! …seriously!
Thanks Bob…
I read again your post this morning and once again reflect inward. I Ned to continually check my self. What do others see? Too many times they see me and not the cross. I pray for a heart to ne willing to daily hide behind that “old rugged cross” my main prayer today is to have a submissive heart and a brokeness that will help me cry out for God’s will and plan for my life. I submit to the Lord that I may see His mysteries and encounter a life willing to share the unconditional love of the Lord on a daily basis. My heart cries out for revival and that our nation would turn with a repentant heart. My prayer for the Word of God to be known.through our everyday life.
Beautiful, the heart of a man and a contrite spirit laid at the feet of Jesus. No one can reach that deeply or with such intimacy as the lover of our soul. His grace overwhelms me